from center something happens

By -
Escape Velocity

what word not undone to noise)(
the sound of steam pushing through a pinhole

what fringe)(not frayed to flare
the canopy of nerves

rain on down)(rain on

temptation take the next
)(blankness to bay
light the chords of flesh
and flesh)(the fire

the pot boiled too long
to belong)(anywhere momma
the sound of steam pushing through a pinhole
momma I'm too old)(to come home
the sound of steam pushing through a pinhole


Comments

  1. JonSeptember 13, 2009 at 8:33 PM

    K-

    I really like the structure of the poem. the first and last stanzas are fantastic bookends, and the repetition in the last stanza, plus just the last stanza are monstrously good.
    is the title of this “from the center something happens” or “escape velocity?” escape velocity seems like a more topical title but I like from the center better. escape velocity doesn’t have the presence I think for the poem.
    I like the )( in certain places – the last stanza does it real well. I like where its going in the “rain on down)(rain on” but “rain on” is too clipped – I need another word there, the jarring is too jarring.
    the sound and rhythm are real nice throughout. something isn’t grabbing me in the second and fourth stanzas, but I can’t say what.
    sorry if I’m not a huge help here, but the last stanza is crazy powerful and crazy good… maybe I want a bit more of that raw nerve in the poem.
    jp

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