wake up, rod

I want Javier Bardem to fuck me but I do not want him to be my God. This time, I need the howling, pliant, longing thing moving through me to be flesh, not spirit -- for once. Mark these years and their occultic movements with the number of tongues that touch your nipples. A lover who touches your stretch marks in idle delight and in greed, better than any possible  heaven. Bones claved in a rough pleasure. I age, hear less of you in my ear and more of the eternal hum, unceasing, the bee and mayfly buzz of persisting. Stop fighting off the fire and learn how to burn better, how to grieve each thing until it feels something like Christ saying to the prisoners today you will be with me in paradise , and embracing each suffocation between be and me . I place my crystal wherever other people can touch it, ask them to steal it, let my dumb house torch and twist forever because I long and without it, I do not. I am on your left, always...

once taught myself about stability and sex once what is dissolves into what once was and I'm left standing in that spot where once you said, "why be friends with exes if it's over?" over brunch and I looked at you, mouth half-opened, mouthing over and over those words that seemed so over-pronounced and under-considered; over seemed too large a place to ever place us under, even if all was ripped apart by blue lightning, I think your eyes, blue and even as they are, steady as they are, would be hard to look away from even if the stars burned out and left us stitching ourselves up even-handed as our shattered hearts allow, what could I teach myself once it was over; when even time calls love a liar?

The Rimming Mistakes were made in the making of the moment, when I didn’t ask and you let it happen. As if a tongue in your ass is some big fucking deal, dude, admit, it felt good. I am good at that shit. Still, I could have asked before you came with your hole clenched down against my tongue like a drowning man to a raft made of awesome. Courtesy is elusive when you’re that hard. And you tasted like sweetness and musk and volition.