Second Assignment, late (of course) but worth it (I hope)
I wanted to write something that dealt with the construction of gendered identities, so I did. It works within a specifically heterosexual lens, which is intentional. Yet, it's not totally critique. There's a kind of mesermizing aspect to the dance of gender: a formulaic, unsympathetic samba toward something monstruous, elegant and artificial. -B.
Table of Context
i. mater
every woman must own
a little black dress, must wear
it’s simple shape with complexity, learn
it’s secret: that every woman is her own
secret stuffed into a silhouette.
every woman must own
a little black dress, must remember
where it’s curves meet, feign simplicity
or at least the shape of it, learn where
to make room for secrets in a silhouette.
every woman must own
a little black dress, must tuck
away the shape of her dreams, learn
how to hold herself simply, secret
the complexities into the shape of a silhouette.
ii. pater
a man is an elegy of wood and stone.
a man is not allowed.
a man is an elegy of broken want.
a man is not untoward.
a man is an elegy to another man.
a man is not space enough.
a man is an elegy of leather wallets.
a man is not without.
a man is an elegy of the cowboy.
a man is not.
iii. errata
She dances about / a beautiful hunted thing / doe’s blood between her legs /
He dances about / sharpness harrowing his loins / doing what he is supposed to /
She dances about / a cross-section of reticence / graces unto heaven /
He dances about / pursuit non grata / graces unto himself /
She dances about / He dances about / their feet shuffle for hours
B.
ReplyDeleteI know this is all just throwing pennies down a well, but I’d like to give you some detailed feedback, because I like being engaged with you, burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Also, happy July Fourth buddy.
Okay. Title. eh? clever, yeah. but your section titles (mater, pater, and errata) are truly genius, and work well in each other, and make an inter-titular dialogue. I feel like the title is a snide librarian looking at me over his glasses when I check out Deepthroat from Uris. I told him I had to do it for a class and everything, he said “yeah, class, RIGHT.” Also, I’m listening to “Keep It Goin’ Louder” by Major Lazer, and I’m nominating it as a dance track of the summer. The title (“Table of Context”) seems almost disconnected from the rest.
I love your formal anaphora in the poem. It’s very schema-like, which is perfectly and excellently mimetic to the task you give yourself. You are working within some heteronormative identities, while drawing criticism to it, so you sort of variate within that specific construction. And over the course of the poem, the speaker or the individual speakers in each develop a kind of cabin fever - - the trapping is felt much more definitively each time around. real cyclical and self-devouring. A plus, Sharkbonerang
So, section i. The section anaphora repetition (the third and fourth stanza), seems a little weaker, somehow, than the first and the last. There’s not necessarily anything not working here, just doesn’t quite wield the same weight. I like the idea of the meeting of curves as a spatial idea to be inserted into, but it kind of just stays where it is. Also the “or at least” construction of the ninth line is a diversion from the anaphora form, and more than that it is vague in comparison to the other constructions. The rest might contain abstractions and point to something unspecific, but it’s pointing to that weird mysterious heterosexual secret, that isn’t really there, pointing towards the secret of femininity, that thing synonymous with fertility and all that evil repressive shit. But that “or at least” is editorializing slightly and is just a weird passive voice to enter then.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the third repetition has a couple of iffy construction choices – the shape of her dreams feel like something on LifeTime ™ and I think it takes the bite out of that idea. Also, the last line of I – can you take out “the”? Most of the time I like the use of “the” with nouns, because it gives them independent agency and a weird sort of platonic absurdity, but this “the” feels like a referent to the complexities in the poem. But there’s more to the complexities than what’s represented here – after all you are working in anaphora, which means that the omissions speak as loudly as the inclusions. So , “secret / complexities into….” seems to work both ways, and acknowledge the construct while pointing to something bigger and more robust.
ii. I love all the first lines of each stanza – “a man is an elegy to another man” is fantastic and, straight up, truth in some strange way – I also like the cowboys and leather wallets, it feels like the fetishes of my youth. the second lines don’t quite have the same consistency. “not space enough”, “not without”, “not untoward” do work, though they don’t seem to hold the weight of the previous lines. But maybe they are supposed to be broken. That makes some sense. “ a man is not” feels like the line I was expecting all along. so it’s not surprising. I like the idea that man is a negation of a disappearing referent. That’s cool. but for some reason “is not” was expected for me.
ReplyDeleteiii. Love the construct again. doe’s blood is nice, “sharpness harrowing his loins” is sort of unbelievably visceral in some way, good work. “doing what he is supposed to” is kind of editorializing a bit. it’s vague in a “well you know what he’s supposed to be doing, the old cliché” kind of thing, and that can’t hold up. the speaker is describing things in such odd and perfect ways, I wish that could do the same.
“pursuit non grata” also feels a little wrong to me, but I’m not sure why, and I don’t think it’s a very big deal.
In conclusion, I’m a big fan man. Working within anaphora constructs like this is fucking difficult, and you pulled it off with perfect grace. it is an elegant poem, with something monstrous inside. I also like the rhythms, and the different boxes and waltzes that happen intra-sectionally. real nice man. go have a carlo with ice.
B- You saucy mink. Did you change the layout? Whosoever did gets 3.33 points as far as I'm concerned (Jon gets 7.04 for the fireworks bonanza)
ReplyDeleteB & J & K - I'll be poasting responses and poems in the coming day(s). I'll take a blow to the points for my slatternly behavior...that is, if my fellow majesties deem it appropriate.
umm... so... not to toot my own horn, but am i the only one that finds it ridiculous that I'm lagging behind in points so spectacularly? I'd say I'd step my game up, but I'm going crazy with game right now.
ReplyDeletealso, I love the new style as well. but i'm worried about formatting for poetics'n'shit. but yeah, all love. It's very clean. almost too clean...
and for future reference, SEB is my work account and I really shouldn't post under it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the 3.33 points bigscary, and you know me baby SEB, clean clean dirty. Feel free to widen this space for formatting poiposes, I was just going for style.
ReplyDeleteLet's all be late this week? I think we should EXTENZE the deadline to Fri.
<3K
Friday is divine. Master assignment maker of the week deems it so.
ReplyDeleteWHOAZ. 2 minutes apart on the response post. Stop shading my sunshine, Seb.
ReplyDelete