spinning rocks

By -

no more tidal forces pulling at her womb,
she is amenorrhoeic, only feeling a low
tug on her phylum when she slingshots
around a planet. this isn’t how it’s supposed
to go, but it’s how it is. the men ruptured
barren after six weeks, spilling lifeless.
like Vitruvian Woman, she is changeless
and stoppered, a human geometry spinning
galactic sublime into the center of the milky,
potency jumping jacks into a flaming cosmic hush puppy.

Comments

  1. B. BarrettJanuary 17, 2011 at 7:42 AM

    "...a low / tug on her phylum when she slingshots / around a planet." I like the use of phylum there. It's unexpected in a delicious way.

    The conceit "galactic sublime" is expected I think. The phrase seems distractingly familiar and the last line I think goes a little too far out for me to connect it with the rest of the poem. But it does it in a way that tries to energize, but instead distances. I hope that makes sense.

    In terms of the narrative: "this isn't how it's supposed / to go, but it's how it is" feels a little editorial. I think you can jump right into the next line and be the stronger for it.

    In fact, I think the momentum of the phylum/planet imagery could find a kind of bodily resolution in the men rupturing. As if the momentum of being slingshot'd ruptured them.

    I'm kind of curious as to by the men ruptured, but the woman does not.

    "changeless / and stoppered" is interesting. The idea of a woman being immutable and blocked bodily is politically complex. I know the assignment was stringent in terms of space, but I think you might be well served by doing more with the image. Not explanation necessarily, but expansion.

    Also: what does a flaming cosmic hush puppy taste like?

    -B.

    ReplyDelete
  2. bigscarygiraffeJanuary 18, 2011 at 8:23 PM

    You get very Ginsberg at the end there. Wonderful all around; I second the question.

    ReplyDelete

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