Assignment #9: A Political Poem

By -
It speaks for itself.

For Dogs

What's the difference between a soldier and a dog?
You cry when they shoot dogs. Is it funny? Did you laugh, snicker
maybe? No? I'll try again: What's the difference between a soldier

They shoot dogs. Sorry, the punchline came too early
and the joke is too heavy. We talk instead
pile platitudes, perfect paeans to service, they shoot soldiers too

the joke suggests. It's funny because it's sad when they shoot dogs;
service when they shoot soldiers. Perhaps it's a question of quantity - question:
4680 dead soldiers, dead dogs, is it funny yet? No? I'll try again.

It's either funny or it's not, the balance doesn't fit on a credit card,
a teleprompter or a gravestone, but it's roughly bullet-sized,
so why aren't you laughing? I'm telling you a joke.

Comments

  1. JonNovember 12, 2009 at 1:53 PM

    Bendi-
    first things first, this is really good, and you should be sending this out to places. it’s aggressive and confrontational and legitimately so. That last line is demented and aggressive and all the while very plain spoken.

    my only suggestions are that “perfect paeans to service” is really slammy, and out of character with the rest of the piece, and pile platitudes does it already.
    Other suggestion: the “they” and “it’s” have to be clearer in terms of what they are referring to. The “it’s” is generally clear, but especially with the harsh break between stanzas 1 and 2, the “they” has to be crystal, I shouldn’t have to read that line 3-4 times to parse it.
    But seriously, this is really good, and really full of hurt and confusion. the anger or dissatisfaction or whatever we’ll call it is so well calibrated and dry and not off putting. Thanks man. this did things.

    jon

    ReplyDelete

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